betenoire05's Diaryland Diary



Well, I haven't been writing much lately because life has become somewhat...difficult.

My body is finally adjusting to working nights (10p.m.-6a.m.) My mind is another matter. I feel like I've entered some strange otherworld. Very twilight-zoney. I guess that is what happens when your awake and sleep schedules get switched.

The job itself is not too heinous. I know, I know... "faint praise" and all that. Anyways, I am slowly getting used to the smells and sounds of working in a nursing home with the incontinent. Jeez. The smell. Jeez.

I'm beginning to get "attatched" to my residents. For the most part, they're a scrappy lot. I'll have to watch myself though, because I'm assigned to the hospice and skilled wings. I haven't had to do death care, yet. I hope I don't have to any time soon.

Did I mention how bad my back hurts? No? Well, it feels like a two ton tank rolled over it. Whimper. Poor me.

Change of topic.

When I picked Lin up after school yesterday, I could tell by looking at her that something wasn't right. She was on the verge of tears. Oh great, I thought, she's failed another test she didn't study for, or some girl has made a catty remark about her hair, etc. Not very charitable, but Lin can be quite the Diva.

Now, I wish for those "simple" problems.

You see, late Tuesday evening one of her friends hung himself in his dorm room. He was popular, and involved in lots of school activities, including play. He was smart, he had early acceptance at Columbia. He was only 16. Since he was so tall, he had to hold his feet up until he passed out. He was determined.

How do you explain to a teen how fragile some people really are at the same time you're trying to assure her that very little pain in life is permanent? That most things can change, can get better. And those things that can't be changed, can be lived through or with. And as corny as it sounds, maybe Scarlett O'Hara was right..."tomorrow is another day."

God, I don't know.

6:45 p.m. - April 15, 2004


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